Amar o Depender – Walter Riso

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Buscar Libro: Intimidades Masculinas, Walter Riso.

El gusto por la droga no es lo que define al adicto, sino su incompetencia para dejarla o tenerla bajo control. Querer algo con todas las fuerzas no es malo, convertirlo en imprescindible, si.

El hecho de que desees a tu pareja, que la degustes de arriba abajo, que no veas la hora de enredarte en sus brazos, que te deleites en su presencia, su sonrisa o su mas tierna estupidez, no significa que sufras de apego. Pero si el bienestar recibido se vuelve indispensable, la urgencia por verla no te deja en paz y tu mente se desgasta pensando en ella: bienvenido al mundo de los adictos afectivos.

Recuerda: el deseo mueve al mundo, y la dependencia lo frena. La idea no es reprimir las ganas naturales que surgen del amor, sino fortalecer la capacidad de soltarse cuando haya que hacerlo.

Sugerencias: Empieza por alguna travesura que no sea peligrosa. Recurre al método del absurdo. Despreocupate del que dirán y de la adecuación social.

Nadie recuerda las experiencias recatadas y prudentes del pasado. La memoria siempre gira al rededor de las locuras y las metidas de pata que hicimos.

“Voy a consumir cada día menos crack”, puede resultar risible para los que saben del tema. La adiccion no se rompe lentamente. Puede haber retrocesos, avances y recaídas, pero la lucha es a muerte. Para una persona con predisposición a la adiccion no hay medias tintas. Un sorbo, una fumada o el mínimo consumo puede ser definitivo para que la oscura puerta del vicio vuelva a abrirse.

Parafraseando a Seneca: No hay esclavitud mas vergonzosa que la voluntaria.

El principio del autocontrol consistente: Si tengo miedo a las arañas, la mejor manera de vencer la fobia es permanecer el tiempo suficiente con ellas para que mi organismo se habitué a la adrenalina. Pero cuando se trata de apegos la cosa es distinta. Las adicciones no se vencen por exposición. Aquí la mejor opción es el autocontrol y la resistencia activa. Recordemos que en la adición no hay empalago; por el contrario, cuanto mas droga recibe el adicto, mas dependencia crea. A veces parecería no haber limite.

No Kids, 40 Good Reasons Not to Have Children – Corinne Maier

Interested? Check it on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1XtAoXi

Let’s be sensible: a child is neither a right nor a necessity it’s simply a possibility.

In the 1980’s, in the United States and Canada, Australia and England non-parent associations began to appear. Having grown into genuine pressure groups. these associations now insist that the word child free replace the derogatory childless. They see not having children as a choice not a handicap. Their members don’t feel deprived they are quite happy, thanks very much.

“Work, Family, Fatherland” (Travail, Famille, Patrie). “Get to work, reproduce yourselves, and then you will never think of doing anything you shouldn’t do, and I shall take care of law and order. That is the unwritten rule of every dictator. The State has an interest in your having chidren: is that not a bit suspect?

The growth of the importance of the word happiness is the result of centuries of progress, because we have always believed that tomorrow will be better than today. But promising a child happiness today is an act of bad faith. I’m not going to recite you a little verse on the future of the planet, but there is not much there to be cheerful about. A hole in the ozone layer, global warming, overexploited forests and fisheries that’s what we are facing. And especially you, future generations, because you’re going to have to pay for it. It’s a pretty crappy baton they passed you; do your best: say, “Thanks very much”. Your parents did what they could to make you happy. They certainly didn’t try to change the world, they were too busy changing your diapers.

 

We will often hear parents who have spoiled their own lives in the name of their kids say something like, “What else could I do-I have children to raise!” “I can’t quit a job I hate because I have kids”?

What an excuse I haven’t been able to pursue my own dreams-I had to feed the kids.’ What an awful thing to say no? Before, in my parents’ time, my mother said: I can’t leave your father, its for your sake.” I realized your that the real motive was that she would rather stay home and drive my father crazy and be driven crazy by him. There are those who would rather be unhappy together than happy on their own That, the way it is.

In reality, children are often used as an excuse for giving up on life without even trying. The moral of the story is, when you do not do what you really want to do, there is no excuse.  Not work, not the family, not your country.
The suburban bungalow with a little garden, bastion of the proliferation of the suburban family, described by the feminist Betty Friedan as ‘a comfortable concentration camp.

 

Kids are unbiased allies of capitalism.

Consumption is the foundation of parenthood. You have to equip yourself with a fantastic catalogue of stuff if you’re going to be a parent worthy of the name: a cradle, a playpen, a crib, a car seat, a high chair, a carriage, a folding stroller, a baby sling, diapers, clothes, bottle warmers, bottle sterilizers, ointments, creams, baby wipes, a changing table. Some of these things display a technological refinement that is as impressive as it is useless.  Take the baby carriage. The very latest European models are called Vigour, Aeroport, Carrera, Graco, Even o, Peg Perego, are offered with six wheels or even eight if table tires, disc brakes, rear parking brakes, ergonomic handlebars and on and on. They are little miracles But now they are twice as heavy, difficult to drag onto public transit, impossible to load onto a bike or a scooter. You’ll need a car to lug it all around. Preferably a big one, with air bags for safety Every little trip turns into moving day, a nightmare of bags and totes.

This is costly of course, but it is only the beginning. The child eats and soils himself so you’ll need a washing machine and a dryer and a dishwasher. And you’ll have to get a big supply of plastic diapers (six or seven a day for two for three years a genuine environmental disaster, since they aren’t recyclable).  The little fellow requires some space so you’ll have to buy a house, where he’ll have his own room-hopefully he will then be a bit less of a nuisance Then you’ll have to dress him, and there is an infant style book that the most committed parents take care to follow buying the best brands, of course. All kinds of articles in women’s magazines, as well as a sort of Vogue for children, called Milk, will help you choose clothes as expensive as those for adult.

The dear little will wear them for only three months, if ever, but who cares? For every single thing the child consumer needs, the parents must become consumers as well. But is the child that is the major target of experts. The newer something is, and the more tawdry, the more she likes it. While still a toddler, she’ll be playing Game Boy, and she’ll have her first computer by the time she’s eight. Technology is no mystery to her. At twelve, she’ll have to have an iPod if she’s not going to laughed out of the school yard. But that’s still not enough. A multifunction digital camera’s next. And a cellphone: according to a British study, two-thirds of kids aged six to thirteen have one. What do they do with it? According to one expert in child marketing (a thrilling profession, I am sure), “All kids want one, even if they seldom use it except for calling home. Calling home? Don’t kids and parents already have more than enough time not to speak to each other? And besides all that, kids have terrible taste: ugly shoes in colours inspired by the latest video game, clothes based on some idiotic TV series, trading cards for Pokémon or Warhammer or Yu-Gi-Oh! Welcome to the Kingdom of Ugliness.

All that stuff means wasted money, wasted time shopping for junk, thousands of hours of work spent trying to earn enough to for a house big enough to pay store it all in. Parents have to do all this because every kid’s room is Ali Baba’s with toys stacked up to an cave, the ceiling and an incredible mess of clothes, boxes that have never been opened, gadgets that are broken or obsolete or wonky. In the Land of Merchandise, the child is in its element. It’s great for always more things, always more crap you can’t recycle, interchangeable junk soon forgotten and endlessly replaceable. That is exactly what the child wants. As long as there are kids, the absurd world we live in has a future. The human species doesn’t necessarily have one, but that’s another story.

 

Not knowing exactly what a job consists of, a lot of children think it must be like school, complete with the obligatory stupid teachers To kids, their parents work has become a totally abstract idea They will be well prepared, when they grow up for useless and boring jobs While children are still small, society expects from them a blind obedience to the rules and to discipline daycare, school-these are just links in the immense chain of control over the bodies and souls that make up the world. There’s really no essential difference between a daycare and the workplace one looks after the child and the other after the grown-up. Children probably see this as normal. A heated room of their own, a timetable to follow, a cafeteria, some pals a made-to-measure Lilliputian dream.

 

In larger French cities, one out of every two couples gets divorced or separated, especially young couples. More and more couples are breaking up when the children are still very small: statistically, around the first-born’s fourth birthday, or shortly after the second child’s, if they are a bit slow. To have sex, or to have children? It’s often the choice you’ll have to make.
And so with pregnancy comes a long sexual winter. And that’s of “I have good news and bad news”: this bad news will not be followed by good. No, the deprivation won’t be over when the child arrives. You just don’t feel much like making love after you’ve had an episiotomy. And even if you do, it’s going to hurt for weeks. You don’t know about episiotomies?

 

The naive will say, “Oh, but looking after children isn’t work!” Seriously? Raising kids means sticking to schedules, doing chores. It is sweat, tears, and guaranteed tedium. In Austria, women can now calculate the amount of time they’ve devoted to child-raising when they negotiate their legal age of retirement. If looking after children were agreeable and rewarding, people would do it for free, but that is not the case.

Nobody wants to look after your children without financial compensation (except, of course, your own parents, who will exact some form of payment eventually, which I’ll get to later). The daycare worker, the teacher, the babysitter they all get paid. Not very well, mind you: all the jobs connected to children are undervalued, and “child professionals” find themselves always less well paid than those who look after adults. Child psychologists: aren’t they less respected than shrinks for adults? And schoolteachers are paid less than university professors. Why? Because they have undertaken a painful and unrewarding task. The child-what a dreary subject!

 

For some time now, overburdened parents have found a solution to this alternating care. The child spends a week with the father, then a week with the mother It’s a sort of half-time family of course, for this to work the couple has to have already split up. But that’s just a minor detail when measured against what they are escaping from.

You’ll be living on somebody else’s timetable now, the baby’s strictly laid the out for you by nanny the daycare schedule, and the school calendar.  Here are some of the personal freedom used to enjoy before you were saddled with the kid:

Sleeping through the night very rare during the first few months

Sleeping in all morning (difficult when the brat comes and jumps on your stomach at the crack of dawn.

  • Deciding at the last minute to go to a move.
  • Staying out after midnight you have to relieve the babysitter and if you do stay out past midnight, you have to either drive her home or pay for her taxi.
  • Going to a museum or an art show: the kid starts bawling after just five minutes.
  • Travelling anywhere except to stupid destinations featuring beaches, the sea, or daycare.
  • Going away any time other than school holidays (this applies to people with children from five right up to eighteen).
  • Drinking before the kid’s bedtime, because putting a child to bed when you are drunk just isn’t done.
  • Smoking in front of your kid: nowadays it’s a crime against humanity.

Everyone take warning from France’s example. In this deathly boring and moralistic world, they want you to think that happiness is to be found in your two breasts, in making babies, and in your job. The truth is that the more you fecundity increases, the fewer there are of you who can call yourselves happy. Open your eyes your kids are going to be the “loser babies destined for unemployment. or precarious or inferior jobs in other words factory drones. Their lives will be way less fun than yours and that, saying lot listen your marvelous babies have no future because every child born in a developed country is an ecological disaster for the whole planet.

And you-you’re going to spend twenty years of your life raising them The education of children has become a sacrament: society demands of modern parents a level of performance worthy of Superman or superwoman Always on call, smiling, attentive teachers and responsible-is there anything you won’t do to guarantee the “happiness” and fulfilment of the kids. Becoming a parent means giving up everything else: your life as a couple, your leisure time, your sex life, your friends, and if you’re a woman, your career success.

All that for kids? Honestly, is it really worth it? Take the necessary precautions Having children it happens too quickly

More Than Enough – Dave Ramsey

More Than Enough - Dave Ramsey

I have realized that the lessons money teaches us are no only financial, they are spiritual; they create new character qualities; and they will improve your relationship with your spouse, family, and loved ones.  After more than five thousand hours of answering financial questions on “The Money Game” I have seen again and again that money is just the method that the Great Teacher has chosen to expose and correct our flaws as well as give us “ataboys” for a job well done.

Do you feel like I am going overboard?  I’m not if you want excellence in your life, relationships, and finances. You see, if you want uncommon results you have to think and do thinks that are uncommon.  If you want things you have never had, you have to do things you have never done.  Vince Lombardi said “The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour”.

Albert Schweitzer said: “Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will, his personal responsibility”.  Enough whining, I am sick of whining… Whining is a sign of lack of character on your part.

When bad stuff happens resist the human urge to blame and instead join the elite group called the doers.

I have had she-bears get violent with me for suggesting that purchasing $178 tennis shoes while the electric bill is not paid is stupid.  There is an old Danish proverb that says if you give a child everything he wants he cries and a pig everything he wants when he grunts you will have a fine pig and a sorry child.

James Baldwin says that children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.

Ready for a test?

  1. What missing or twisted value has been holding me back?
  2. What could I do this week that would give me more connection to my spouse, my child or my best friend?
  3. Are there any ways that I could better show my boss my loyalty tom job and my coworkers?
  4. What activities am I involved in that I could fire myself from that would simplify my life?

Proverbs 9:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish” Perish as in die? YES.

The six figure earners all think in five year blocks or more of time. They are very unconcerned about today except for how today is a building block toward their vision, which may not be fully realized for another twenty years.  They think long term in all decisions.  Six figure earners think about the long term implications of every move they make and don’t make those moves unless they move them one step closer to their vision.

Short term thinking is why the poor get poorer.

Vision will make you an investor instead of a consumer; it will make you think ahead five, ten, or twenty years instead of only thinking about today or tomorrow.

Separating your money when you live in a couple only put you in the spiritual and emotional position of separation: You remember, what do you do right before divorce?

Patrick Overton: “When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen, there will be something solid for us to stand on, or God will teach us how to fly”.  Hope moves us forward when logic and energy are gone.  Hope is a motivator.

Soup is good for you:  Go to your local homeless shelter and volunteer to serve soup.  Take your mate and your kids with you; it will do the family good to reset the view of reality.

Most folks don’t know what real problems are, and the serving of soup will make you ashamed for having worried about whether there was enough in the budget to gibe Barky the schnauzer a haircut.

*Use a symbol of hope: Be it a light house or something else as a way to raise your chin toward heaven when you lose directions.

Sharon and I have made a pact that nothing major financially will be done without agreement with the other.

So if you are trying to get your wife to share in budgeting and planning you need o treat her with respect.  Try approaching her like this:

  • Honey, I’d really like to have your advice on our budget.
  • We need to think about how we are going to save money, but I cannot do this without you.
  • Our future is important, and both of us need to plan it together.

Andrew Carnegie said: “The average person puts only 25 percent of his energy and ability into his work.  The word takes off its hat to those who put in more than 50 percent, and will stand on its head for those few and far between souls who devote 100 percent”

“What is the first requirement for success?” Thomas Edison was asked. His answer? It is “the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary”. If you get up at 7 AM and go to bed at 11 PM, you have put in sixteen good hours, and it is certain with most men that they have been doing something all the time.  The only trouble is that they do it about a great many things, and I do it about one.  If they took the time in question and applied it in one direction, to one object, they would succeed”.

Focus has the power to create permanent change where nothing else will or can.  You can focus. You can endure anything for a short period of time. Six months, a year, or even eighteen months, compared with the rest of your life it is a very short period of time.  

The mother of more: Momentum.

Voltaire said: “Work keeps us from three evils: boredom, vice, and poverty”.

Work is doing it. Discipline is doing it every day. Diligence is doing it well every day.  Diligence is not just showing up, or just showing up every day; diligence is showing up every day with Excellence.

St. Ambrose said: “Work like it all depends on you and pray like all depends on God”.  Prayer is vital, but God is not in the business of rewarding lazy.

Jim Rohn says: “You will build more wealth if you trick yourself into discipline.  The pain of discipline weighs ounces, but regret weighs tons”

Teach the children: There has never been a child born who gets up every morning, makes his bed, cleans his room and brushes his teeth without instruction.  By removing work from a child’s life you cripple them.

It would be a shame for any of us to have discipline in just one area such as building up wealth and not have the health to enjoy it, the relationships with spouse and family to share it.

Patience is golden because it will increase the satisfaction you take from achieving your goals and desires.  And patience is golden because it is formed from heat much like pure gold is.  To purify gold the goldsmith of old would stoke the fire to bring the gold to a boil, and as the gold boiled the dross, the impurities, would rise to the top. The goldsmith would skim off the junk until he could see himself.  Problems that we face, the heat of life, make the junk come to the surface, and God skims the junk out of our lives until He can look at us and see some of Himself.

A lack of patience causes debt.

Patience is growing up.  Patience knows that one definitions of maturity is learning to delay pleasure.

Patience will cause you to build wealth because you are willing to save and pay cash instead of borrow.  When you don’t have any payments it is easy to save and invest enough to become wealthy in just a few years.

The Goose with the Golden Egg: they were becoming steadily wealthy, then greed kicked in, now they had no goose and no more eggs.

** If you are not listening to your spouse sit down tonight for at least twenty minutes to talk and listen.  Remember to listen even if you don’t care about the curtains she wants to buy.  Chose one night each week when the two of you will forgo TV and listen to each other.  Learn the count-to-five rule.

Try letting the kids plan one Saturday a moth. Yes, you may end up sitting through some activities you’d rather not, but you will not only learn patience, you will also gain years of memories and shared time with your children.

When you have contentment you can easily get out of debt.  When you have contentment you can easily save and invest.  When you are content it changes your giving habits and your relationships.  When you are content it brings an inner strength that will push you into another zone.  You are able to move fast or slow, and you are able to have patience or intensity when you are content.  Contentment is a magnificent personal gift.

Contentment is not apathy and yet we often confuse the two.

What is that causes one couple to be able to prosper on an annual income of $35.000 while the other is heading toward bankruptcy with over $84.000 in yearly income?

*** Juliet Schor in The Overspend American: Research shows that each added hour of TV viewing per week increases the spending by roughly $200 per year.  So an average level of TV watching of fifteen hours per week equals nearly $3.000 extra spent per year!

The Bible says in Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished”.  The reason the get get-rich quick folks are punished, usually by losing their riches, is because character is more important than circumstances in the scope of eternity.  Get-rich-quick folks still need to mold their value system into one that can truly find happiness. They are looking for love in all the wrong places, so the punishment is not for the offence off trying to get rich quick, the punishment is a course of correction so that we learn to look for contentment and happiness  where it can really be found.

In order to have deep, abiding contentment in your financial and relationship decisions, you have to reach the pint you just don’t care what “people” think.  I drive a ten year old car with over 150,000 miles on it and I keep it in near perfect condition.

My pastor told me that his father had to walk 6 miles to work, they would come into the home with dust to his knees from the six mile hike, and he would wash and sit down to eat.  Each night they thanked God of honest work.  My pastor said he never once heard them whine about the circumstances.  Where have those men go? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to walk six miles to work, but where have those men gone?  Those were people of deep character who understood that not having everything was not the end of the world.

Hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is.

Why does “giving” work in the formula for more than enough? Giving works because you are designed to be a giving being.  Your wiring schematic is built for giving.  You are made in God’s image and He is a giver; so that means in order for you to be all you can be you must be a giver too.  Your emotions, spirit psyche and even your chemistry are changed to a higher level when you give.  When you give creativity is enhanced.  When you give, passion, joy and intensity come to you like waves crashing at the seashore.

After one of my seminars a pastor approached me.  He said that in 35 years of ministering a large congregation he had never had a couple file for divorce who gave their Christian tenth of their income.

When you give you are getting maximum horsepower out of your personal design.  People who don’t give are stopped up.

You are planting seeds when you give and when you don’t give.  If you plant nothing, by default you planted weeds.  If you plant corn don’t scratch your head and wonder why you got corn. The earth and life will return to you what you plant in great abundance.  The sad thing is that most people don’t plant and are real confused as to why they get a great crop of weeds.  You must plant on purpose what you want, become a farmer for life.

“Money is a terrible master, but an excellent servant”.  If you want to be a powerful giver you should view your wealth as the goose and give the golden eggs.  If you give away the goose, the golden eggs are gone, and so is your ability to help others.  Those of you who think “those nasty rich people should be made to give up the wealth they have earned” are not only stupid, your shortsightedness kills the goose, and the poor are not really helped.

Many off the wealthy understand it is not a privilege, but instead a great responsibility to have wealth.

Andrew Carnegie said: “surplus wealth is a sacred trust which its possessor is bound to ADMINISTER in his lifetime for the GOOD of the COMMUNITY

This release of emotional ownership is called generosity.  The folks who are able to emotionally release the ownership of stuff and feel more like managers don’t worry as much.  This release of ownership virtually guarantees that as you build wealth you won’t become arrogant.  It is very hard to be arrogant about something you manage for someone else ( God ). Remember that is the emotional position those who have more than enough put themselves in.

Prosperity may be a bigger test than poverty when it comes to exposing your weaknesses.  Fear, worry, selfishness, and arrogance are all some people get with wealth.  People who get it know that a firm grip on the money is not the path to happiness and fulfillment.  True prosperity is not wealth, it is “more than enough”, which can include wealth, but must include the loose holding of that wealth.

 

The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman

The 5 love languages
The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman

The Five love languages:

– Words of affirmation.
– Quality time.
– Receiving Gifts.
– Acts of Service.
– Physical Touch.

Tip on listening: Don’t try to listen and do something else at the same time, give your undivided attention.

Commit your marriage to God, Tell God you trust him to make your marriage a loving partnership that pleases him an you and your spouse.

Link to book on Amazon: The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman